Deliciously Waiting on Divine Intervention: Online dating, part 1

Well, I moved back home to my parents' surburban locale to start my "adult life" and figured I should try to make time for dating (especially since I want to be married and have children). I had gone to school out of state for a few years and many of my good friends do not live nearby (my one great friend within a reasonable distance lives on the other side of this great big city of ours and she's a busy lady), so I figured that online dating would be a viable option. Keep in mind, I set up these profiles originally when I thought I would be a licensed professional by now and I would be a "hot commodity" because of it.

Like many people out there, I, too, have online profiles at a couple of websites. Actually, just a couple of websites NOW. I tried out a few sites for speed dating, interracial dating (figured I'd expand my dating pool), big and beautiful people dating (thought I would meet men who liked my body type. I am full-figured and curvy, but I am not obese-just wanted to give an accurate description) , etc. Now, I am just on a well-known dating site and another free site. I was embarrased to admit I was trying online dating to my friends and family at first. Everyone is surprisingly cool with it, except Dad (well, I really don't know if he'll ever be cool with me dating though :-D ), but it's my life.

How is it going, you ask? Um, yeah...like dating in real time for the most part, which is not really well, hahahaha. Most men want tall, skinny blondes, brunettes with big boobs, spicy latinas, or exotic Asian women. So, yeah, my marketability is already low. Add being an admitted serious Christian and having a graduate degree and my generated interest that actually leads to emails, let alone dates, is very small. I just may be priced out of my market demographic, but what can I do? I will say that the great thing about online dating is that I can better screen people before I meet them (I have met a couple of people after a thorough screening process). The bad part is that I feel that I gain a false sense of security about who that person is, or whom he purports to be, and then I am disappointed when he turns out to be a trifiling immature man who has no respect for me as an actual person with feelings (I also think that meeting people through online mediums causes people to be more detached and more likely to trample over a person's feelings). Want a brief run down of my online dating history for the past few months? Here goes!

One guy (Catholic; met on the big and beautiful dating site), who lied to me about not seeing other people, emailed me and told me that he had found "the light of his life" and that ever talking to me was a "mistake." He did not realize that I was already dating someone else wonderful and not even thinking about him since he had lied about other things (his age, being divorced, and that he has two almost grown daughters), but that was still a serious bruise to my woman pride!
Then, a much older man (Protestant; met on the speed dating site) expressed interest. He was very controlling and immediately wanted a commitment from me even though he was on another side of the U.S. He called me everyday, even at work, for long phone conversations. He thought that me talking to other men besides him was emotional infidelity (huh?) and persisted to contact me even after I said it would not work out (partially because he was almost as old as my parents...YUCK).

Later received interest from someone similar on another site (Protestant; met on the well-known dating site) and ended it as well. He actually had the nerve to text me to say we had plans for that coming Friday. Um, didn't we just meet online? Isn't telling someone what their plans are what significant others do for each other in marriage? Yeah, I let him know it was not working. Why did he text me a couple of days ago?

**UPDATE: Way too old for me guy #2 texted me AGAIN tonight saying that he is attracted to me but will no longer call or text and that I have to show more effort if we are to go out. WHAT?!I promise I sent him a text (we'd never met and had chatted on the phone twice) after his controlling date text saying it would not work out. This is a case where you continue to ignore until the person goes away since saying it would not work did not send a clear enough message.**

Another guy (Protestant; met on the well-known dating site), who was SUPER attractive, responded to my nice email and called me like every day for a week just to say good morning. He seemed so sweet, he wanted to be a doctor, and he was a church going man who lived in a nearby suburb. Our birthdays were in the same week last fall and we wished each other happy birthday. I could not believe how someone so good looking was also God fearing and interest in ME. I was on CLOUD 9! He wanted to hang out during the week, but I am not that spontaneous AND I had just met him online. Plus, my medical condition makes me tired a lot of times, so I needed to meet during the day on the weekend to be at my best. He set up the date, but never called to confirm or to cancel for that matter. My friends hoped he'd gotten into a serious accident and was in a coma (not because they wanted him hurt but they just hoped he had an excellent explanation for not contacting me. Oh, friends :-) ). His activity on the dating website on the day we were supposed to go out confirmed he was alive and well, with a fully functioning brain and body including his fingers. I never heard from him again, minus him checking out my profile again last month. I was so hurt at the time. Now, my friends and I laugh about how rude and sorry he was to just disappear like that!
What about that "someone else wonderful," you ask? I was on CLOUD 9, again! He (Catholic; met on the well-known dating site) knew that I had failed my exam, my medical condition, and lived with my parents and seemed fine with it all (birthday no-show man seemed to be bothered by these things, but it is not like I am satisfied with it; it is just temporary). I felt so comfortable around him. He opened doors and he INSISTED on paying on every date. What happened? You tell me. He seemed distant and would cancel our plans but still make time for his friends. He then decided that he was suddenly "too busy with work" to date me (after I asked him what was going on) and told me so by text. This was the same week as the liar, old divorcee's email, by the way. A few weeks later, text dumper was not too busy for us to be "friends" after he texted me numerous times during the winter holidays. Nothing like the holidays to make someone realize they made mistakes with their relationships, am I right? I had to cut off contact with him and wish him good luck. I refuse to be someone's "friend" or to make them feel better about himself for his cowardly actions (I was not even worth a phone call when we live in the SAME TOWN) while placing myself in a position to be hurt by him again. What he did was not very friendly at all and I cannot have people like that around to hurt me and to wreck the good work the Lord is doing in my life.
Just this week, yet another ex-potential (Catholic; met on the speed dating site), who knew that I had been dumped and texted by that last guy over the holidays and how upset it made me, and had told me that it was "his loss" and that I was talking to a "better man" fell for another girl and proceded to tell me how special she is and unlike any girl he'd ever met. I had to cut him off, too. I wished him good luck and blocked him on all of my instant messaging systems. I am not chopped liver or a filler girl until a man meets someone "better"! And, I will keep telling myself these things until I 100% believe them. For now, I'm at 80-90% because that was a total bruise to my woman pride.
Also this week, another ex-potential (Protestant; met on the speed dating site. He does not know that I am about to cut him off...YET) contacted me again claiming he wanted to hang out but he is just trying to sleep with me. He thinks that starting off slowly and moving into a relationship means being friends with benefits. I wholeheartedly disagree. I am not just someone for a good time (I think that is a common theme which I must rectify) and I will not tolerate such disrespect.
As of right now, another ex-potential (Protestant; met on the free dating site) decided that because he had had bad experiences in his prior relationships that he was no longer looking to be in a relationship. Glad we cleared that up AFTER we exchanged numbers and discussed meeting in person some time next month. UGH! I hate that people allow prior experiences to turn them away from dating and making a commitment to someone but they want to still have the perks of dating. I have noticed this with quite a few guys I have run into in recent years who become jerks because girls went for jerks/bad boys or who don't want a relationship because they don't want their feelings hurt again. WHY be on a dating site and talk to someone who is clearly looking for a relationship at some point if that is how you feel? That is selfish and self-serving and our contact has now ceased. And, yes, this was a total bruise to my woman pride.
Man, my dating life looks super duper sad based on these experiences, lol!

Lessons learned:

A real potential mate for any Protestant Christian is another Protestant Christian. I know this will anger people, particularly Catholics or anyone who is not a Protestant, but it is the truth. We are saved by faith and grace through the blood of Christ. That it is. No other laws to follow for salvation nor other works to perform to become saved. Baptism is not needed for salvation, but is an outward expression of the inward transformation that occurs when a person accepts Jesus as Lord and Savior. The Bible alone, not the Catholic Church, the Pope, a LDS prophet, etc., has the Word of God. Nothing else. Jesus alone is our redeemer, not Mary (who was a wonderful, virtuous woman, but just the vessel for humanity's savior). Jesus is also not Michael, the archangel. They are two different heavenly beings and Jesus sits at the right hand of the throne of God. No one can achieve a god-like status through their works. Works are what we are supposed to do as Christians because it is what Jesus would do, but it does not elevate us to such a status. My effort put into my relationship with God (reading my Bible, going to church, asking and researching questions, praying to God for the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth to me) is what builds a rewarding relationship with Him. I cannot, nor can anyone else, achieve the same thing by relying on someone else to have that relationship for me. If you are a Protestant and you date anyone who does not feel the same way on these things (including that the Holy Trinity is not 3-in-1 and that God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit have existed as such from Day 1), it is a BIG DEAL and it must be recified immediately.
A real potential mate for a Protestant Christian will see your potential and not judge you for things that are just temporary.
A real potential mate for a Protestant Christian makes time for you when reasonable. Somone who makes excuses is someone who needs to become an ex-whatever he or she (for my male readers) was A.S.A.P.
A real potential mate for a Protestant Christian respects your decision to remain a virgin or celibate until marriage and DOES NOT TRY TO GET YOU TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTS OR CONDUCT.
A real potential mate for a Protestant Christian respects you for you and encourages you to be the best you you can be (a.k.a. the best child of God you can be).
A real potential mate for a Protestant Christian wants the best mate, regardless of race or background/things you cannot control.
A real potential mate for a Protestant Christian is already working on their relationship with God by the time you are dating (friends can encourage each other and then begin dating).
A real potential mate for a Protestant Christian starts out as a great Christian friend.
As a Protestant Christian, you SHOULD date more than one person at a time. Do not put all of your emotional "eggs in one basket." Be honest and say that you are dating other people but you should "play the field." Actually, if you meet someone online, you should assume they are dating or conversing with others until you both agree otherwise.
As a Protestant Christian, you should cut harmful people out of your life. People who distract you and detract from your walk with God should be removed. Wish them the best of luck and push them out of your mind for God has better things in store for you in the future.
As a Protestant Christian, you should talk and constantly communicate with God about the people in your life who could be future love interests. Honestly, when I've been dumped, left out to dry, etc., it's been after I've prayed about them and our relationship together and/or our situation. God slammed those doors in my face. It does hurt now but He has already opened up new ones for me; all I have to do is have faith in His wisdom and walk right through them.
As a Protestant Christian, DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF for a relationship failure if a person just decides that you are not the one and you did nothing wrong for them to reach that decision. It is their choice. If they value more wordly things and not you for your decision to be in the world but not of the world, then they should go. It is better for you. God loves you. We are all fearfully and wonderfully made and knitted together in the womb by God. He thinks we are all beautiful and loves us unconditionally. DO NOT compare yourself to whomever that person is now dating. Despite what it seems, NO ONE IS PERFECT so do not beat yourself up for being who God made you to be because He does not make mistakes! Love God, love Jesus, love the Holy Spirit, love yourself, love your neighbor and strive to be a better Christian each and every day.

These are just my thoughts. Any comments?

This has nothing to do with dating, but I just want to add that I just heard of Whitney Houston's passing and I am saddened by the news. May she rest in peace. My thoughts and prayers are with her family, especially her daughter, Bobbi Kristina.