Well, I got my answer...

Hello D.W.D.I. Family!

   Happy Thursday! I hope you all are in good spirits and are having a great day.  How has my day been? Pretty not-so-good.  I found out I failed my exam again today.  I am sure the fibromyalgia is a significant factor due to the fatigue, brain fogs, and increased pain due to stress, but I do wonder if I am just not cut out to be in this profession.  It does get very hard to see other people succeed, many of whom who have no idea how blessed they are because they have not been in a difficult decision like dealing with constant health problems.  Honestly, I do feel like my life is still in limbo and I had really hoped to pass the exam this time to get a better paying job to pay back my student loans and to get more affordable health insurance.  Unfortunately, it did not happen that way.

    How do I feel? I feel hurt, disappointed, embarrassed, alone, exhausted and angry.  I have really tried and it just has not happened for me yet.  Most people pass this exam the first time and now I will be on time number 3.  I am taking it better this time than I did last time, but I would be lying to you all if I said I felt great.  I do not.  I am just trying to hang in there.  I will go into my internship tomorrow and make it through as best as I can.  That is all we can do as believers.  I do not understand God's plan right now and I am not happy with it right now to be perfectly honest.  But, fighting His plan will not work.  I wish I had a clue about what is going on and what all of this trials from graduate school and failing this exam mean, but I do not.  I just know that I am still blessed to be relatively healthy, to have food, clothing, shelter and family and friends that love me.  I am just trying to overcome my wounded pride and my life plans not working out like I wanted right now.  That is life but I just look forward to better days ahead and pray that they come soon.


   Well, I am going to try to rest and not to dwell on this too much (after I cry some more).  I just hope that people going through situations realize that there is still something good in all of the bad.  Take care and I will talk to you soon.

Love,
CCC